Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
