Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
