Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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