I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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