I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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