Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
