Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
