forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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