i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
