next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
