I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I CAN MOONWALK!
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize