i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
