Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
