bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
