please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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