the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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