onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
