Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
