Sacagawea was the original milf.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
YAS. BRING CRAB.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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