Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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