No stitches, just platelets and will power
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
