a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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