Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
