FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
