sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
