I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize