Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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