Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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