Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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