Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
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Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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