In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
