yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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