When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
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i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
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Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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