i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
