i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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