its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
