you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
