watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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