Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
