I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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