Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
