I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
