he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
