i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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