Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
