Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
