i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
