we have pet lesbian snakes
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
