We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
