If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
