So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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