oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
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