my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?