You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.