Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
