Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
