My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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