bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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