There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
