I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
