he told me I talked like a deaf person
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
