I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
