opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
