Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
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The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
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Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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