I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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