She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
