she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
