Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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