the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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