6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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