I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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