This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
