There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
and she was petting her beer can
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
