She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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