I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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