woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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