First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
